Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Drive by Dating

People always ask couples how long they've been together. I wish people would evaluate my worth based on how many people beep a car horn at me. The answer is, in a word, lots. Call me conceited, but do so knowing that, as I explain the difference to my 3rd graders, that this is a fact and not an opinion. Also please weigh this alongside the other fact: that no one actually buys me dinner or takes me out, or spends more than the standard red light "hollerin'". I have been single for nearly 2.5 years or 48 car horn beeps.

This week:
Monday: 4 horn beeps/waves. 0 anything else resembling human contact.

Tuesday: A guy told me when I cross the street, "it looks like a commercial," he then asked me to be in his music video. I informed him that my dad was on the phone then tried to escape into a restaurant that was closed. After a few pushes on the door, the man then let me know, "It looks like it's closed baby."

Yep, this is it folks. My last exciting date was a year ago and he hasn't been beeping any horns in my direction. I would though love to carry through on the following scenario:

Guy beeps horn at me and gets caught at red light. I climb into the drivers seat. I interrogate. "You want this?", "What about a nice dinner?", "What about some commitment?", "You want to wear a wedding band?", "You want kids?". Each request exceeds the previous one with shrillness. Then while the driver is shocked I smack him in the forehead V-8 style and say, "Yeah that's right," and I'm out the door before the light turns green. He speeds off lesson learned.

You beep it, you bought it, sucka.


  1. you never cease to make me laugh - and i'm 100% convinced there is a guy out there who is completely and totally perfect for you.

    and it is guaranteed he will not be heckling you in a passing vehicle. he'll have a tad more class (but just a tad) :)